Stephen Harper to Rename Controversial Victims of Communism Memorial to Victims of Liberalism

After months of intense pressure from critics on the government’s plan to build a memorial to victims of communism in Ottawa, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has decided to scrap his original plan. Critics of the planned museum are unlikely to happy with the news however, as the Prime Minister, in a rather bold, if not shocking, move has decided to create a museum to the victims of Liberalism in its place.

According to some well-placed sources, the museum replace the exhibits focused on the horrors inflicted by Mao and Stalin, with those focused on Liberal atrocities here in Canada. The museum will focus primarily on the federal Liberal regimes, but will also have a large exhibit dedicated to the Bob Rae premiership in Ontario. The Chretien/Martin years will receive particular attention, with focus given to all the displaced workers as part of their brutal cost cutting measures in the mid-nineties, though there will also be smaller exhibits that deal with all of the pepper spraying by police during the APEC conference as well as all of the civilians that Jean Chretien choked with his own hands. Also, in a move that critics say is designed to damage Liberal leader Justin Trudeau, the wing that was originally set aside to document Stalin’s brutal confiscation of land from the Kulaks will now be dedicated to Pierre Trudeau’s National Energy Policy.

Sources close to the PMO say this change in direction was driven by a desire by the Prime Minister to extend his middle finger to both his political rivals and the mainstream media. There are rumours that Mr. Harper wanted to announce another 500 job cuts at the CBC at the same time, just for the hell of it, but was apparently persuaded otherwise by some senior advisors.

When asked if the Prime Minister was worried about being perceived as arrogant or outright trolling of his political enemies, sources said that after almost a decade in power, Mr. Harper no longer gives a damn what people think. The way he sees it, if people cared about having an arrogant prime minister he wouldn’t be in a position to win his fourth term. In any case, he is comforted in the fact that the rise of Thomas Mulcair and return of Gilles Duceppe should produce enough splitting of the anti-Harper vote to return him to power.  The fact is that the Conservatives could well win a majority government with around 35% of the popular vote. Even if they find themselves in a minority government, there is no chance of a coalition if the Liberals end up with fewer seats than the NDP, as the Liberals would rather be the third party in opposition than play second fiddle to the New Democrats.

*Editors Note: None of the above is actually true. 

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